Review: The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure

September 5, 2012, 10:00 am
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Disclaimer: If not for the cries of my little ones demanding daddy take them to see The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure, this review would never exist - I'm not exactly the target demo. But for God's sake, if you're going to create something fresh for the pre-K set, couldn't someone at least attempt to make it tolerable for those forced to endure the thing?

Sharing a similar - if less trippy - vibe with the maker's previous concoction, The Teletubbies, the Oogieloves are a trio of Sid and Marty Krofft rejects that live in a Thomas Kinkade-designed abode in the burg of Lovelyloveville with their surly goldfish, a vacuum named J. Edgar (groan) and the decorative accessory wholly responsible for this atrocity: a mumbling, narcoleptic throw pillow.

It seems the threesome of Goobie, Zoozie and Toofie misplaced the five mylar balloons pegged as the centerpiece of the massive birthday blowout planned for said pillow. Instead of sauntering to the nearest Piggly Wiggly or A&P to score some more, the triumvirate of two-bit mascots hit the road on their oversized tricycles, trying to track each of the inflatables down.

Enter a parade of D C-list "stars" - Chazz Palminteri, Toni Braxton, Jaime Pressly - and a stream of hyper-extended, insufferable song and dance routines that feel as if they were constructed on the spot. Forget Saw, I'd argue this is the most freakishly disturbing outing of Cary Elwes career.

While I largely consider it to be the height of rudeness, I whipped out my Droid and texted/tweeted/Googled/Facebooked/Foursquared/Photoshopped intermittently throughout. Thank heaven it was an empty theater. For the life of me, I can't figure out why.

Grade: F

Follow Erick on Twitter: @ErickWeber

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It was many moons ago in a darkened theater that my love of cinema took root as I snuck in to see my first R-rated film, Blade Runner. The futuristic vision that Ridley Scott unleashed on the screen was simply soul-expanding — spiritual even. From that moment, my mission to have that kind of magic strike again began in earnest. My hope is to be able to shine a light on films that may just have that kind of effect on you — films that may be lesser known, but not lesser in impact. 
             
- Erick Weber

Final Cut Scoring System
99-95% Opening night
94-90% Opening weekend
89-86% In theaters
85-83% On Demand
82-80% Netflix/Redbox
79-75% If desperate
74-70% If dozing off
69-65% If intoxicated
64-60% If comatose
Below 60% If brain dead

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