Eva Amurri Martino says she's hoping to find some peace in the new year following a "traumatic" incident involving her baby son last month.
Susan Sarandon's daughter — mother to Marlowe Mae, 2, and Major James, 3 months — took to her Happily Eva After blog to reveal a night nurse dropped the baby on his head in November, cracking his skull.
"A couple of days after Thanksgiving, our Night Nurse fell asleep while holding Major and dropped him, and he cracked his head on the hardwood floor," she recalled. "Kyle [Martino] and I were sleeping at the time and were awoken by the sound of his head hitting the floor, and then hysterical piercing screams."
She continued, "He suffered a fractured skull and bleeding on his brain, and was transported by ambulance to Yale Medical Center where I spent two harrowing days with him to receive emergency care and further testing. To say these were the most traumatic and anxious two days of my life is an understatement."
Fortunately, Major is doing well following the incident. "By the grace of all of his many angels, and every God one cares to pray to, MAJOR IS FINE. Completely fine," she wrote. "He has been healing well, hitting milestones, cooing, smiling, and generally showing us that he is and will be ok as he grows and develops."
However, Amurri Martino is still feeling the effects of the terrifying time, admitting she worried about telling the story to her fans and followers as she feared being judged for having a night nurse.
"Let me tell you- the guilt I bore in the days and weeks after this accident was more intense and more damaging than anything I would wish upon my worst enemy," she wrote. "I wept in the hospital, telling anyone who would listen that it should have been me. That I was to blame."
She continued, "And even though I finally made peace with the fact that this freak accident could not have been avoided by me, it has continued to effect me to my core and in all aspects of my daily life."
Amurri Martino says she no longer allows anyone to take care of her children as she feels like she can only trust herself. But even though she feels like she's taking the proper steps to move forward, she said she's believes she's dealing with "some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, possibly linked to some form of Postpartum Depression."
She explained, "Hearing Major cry hard immediately triggers my memories of the moments after the accident and instigates an immediate panic attack- my heart races and tears spring to my eyes."
She said she often suffers dizzy spells that cause her nausea and make her lose her appetite.
Thus, she's hoping to move into 2017 with a little more peace as she learns to move forward from the incident.
She concluded, "With open arms, I welcome 2017 as the year I learn to forgive a little deeper, to let go a little more easily, to accept some things I cannot change, and to love myself a lot more unconditionally."