Gentle parenting is a child-rearing method that, unlike traditional parenting, decenters consequences.

Instead, the approach encourages parents to recognize their child's feelings while also enforcing a rule.

"Gentle parenting has a greater focus on respecting children and their individuality as well as showing empathy and connecting," says Irina Gorelik, a child psychologist at Williamsburg Therapy Group.

This isn't to say there is absolutely no discipline.

Gentle parenting seeks the same outcome as traditional parenting, but gets there in a different way. Instead of steering with punishment, a parent can steer with understanding

And there are many benefits. Gentle parenting can increase a child's confidence and ability to regulate their own emotions. It can decrease the power struggles between a child and parent, thereby improving relationships. It can also improve communication between a child and parent. 

"When thinking of enforcing rules, it can be helpful to label and validate underlying emotion while also setting a clear limit or boundary," Gorelik says. 

Here are three examples of what gentle parenting might look like in practice, according to Gorelik.

3 scripts for gentle parenting, from a therapist

1. Your kid is begging for a toy on a regular trip to the grocery store

Before heading to the grocery store say: 

"We are going to the store now and we might see things we might really like and want to buy. We will be getting some groceries for dinner, and I can help you pick out one snack you like for school." 

At the store, if your child starts asking for items you won't buy for them: 

"I see you really want this new toy, it looks really fun and it makes sense that you want it. We are not buying any new toys today. (pause) I know that is frustrating... (pause)." 

You can remind them that they get to pick out a snack, to give them some agency.

2. Your kid won't get off their tablet and get ready to leave the house

Before heading out you can say: 

"I know you really want to stay home and play video games...it feels unfair that we have to leave! Sometimes, I want to stay home, too. But we do have to go.

Do you want to go pick out what you want to bring with you or do you want me to help you get your shoes?"

If a child refuses to turn off their tablet and get dressed you can set a harsher boundary and say: 

"iPad time is over. I know it is hard to end fun things. I can turn it off for you, or you can turn it off on your own." 

If the child continues to refuse, the parent can turn off the iPad themselves, and say:

"Looks like it was too hard to turn it off. I'll do it for you this time." 

3. Your kid is fighting with their sibling over something like a toy

Tell your child:

"I see you are angry and want that toy, but I am not going to let you hit." 

You can then physically separate the children and help them cool down. Later you can have a conversation about what else the child can do next time when they see themselves getting frustrated with their sibling or a peer. 

All of these approaches are meant to help your child feel understood while also teaching them how to deal with their emotions.

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