The Final Cut: ‘The Words'

(NECN: Erick Weber) - In "The Words," Bradley Cooper plays the author of a best-selling book that he didn't actually write - in fact, he stumbled upon the tragic love tale in a beat-up briefcase purchased at a Parisian antiques shop.

The true writer of the tale, played by Jeremy Irons, tracks Cooper down to give him a piece of his plagiarized mind - but it doesn't stop there.

While the story-within-a-story of Cooper and Irons is mildly interesting, the whole thing is thrown out of whack by yet another narrative heaped on top - because Cooper and Irons are fictional characters in a book written by a character portrayed by Dennis Quaid.

Essentially, we're talking about a story-within-a-story-within-a-story-within-a-story - yeah, it doesn't work out that well and the film should have cut Quaid out all together.

Someone grab an editor - "The Words" misses the cut with a score of 70 percent.

There was a record at the box office last weekend - but not the good kind.

"The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure" scored the worst opening for a film in wide release ever and I think I know why it bombed - it's mind-numbingly awful.

From the creator of those creepy characters with TVs built into their bellies - the Teletubbies - the Oogieloves are a trio of Sid and Marty Krofft castoffs that are all set to throw a big ol' birthday bash for their mumbling, narcoleptic throw pillow.

But, goodness gracious, the five Mylar balloons the Oogies planned to present said pillow as a present go missing and the rest writes itself - if there were an actual script here.

If it wasn't for my own little ones begging to see the Oogieloves, I would never have been subjected to the inanity - thank goodness the theater was empty so I could catch up with my emails and fire off some Tweets.

No hugs from me, Oogieloves - you get a Final Cut score of 30 percent.

Watch the attached video for my weekend box office projections.

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