Push for inclusive parenting law in Mass. as families ‘live in fear' of losing kids

After giving birth to her baby, Annika Bockius-Suwyn and her wife spent upwards of $2,000 to adopt her. It's one of countless complicated legal hoops that LGBTQ families jump through in order to solidify their parental rights in Massachusetts and across the country.

The couple started their family through Reciprocal IVF (in vitro fertilization), where one partner provides the egg, and therefore is genetically related to the child, while the other carries the baby to term. While same-sex marriage laws in Massachusetts clearly establish the child is theirs, Bockius-Suwyn noted that's not the case in every state, marriage "doesn't make sense for every family," and the lack of clarity can be confusing for the court system.

"I'm a professional and it's complicated to navigate," said Bockius-Suwyn, an attorney who sits on the board of the Massachusetts LGBTQ Bar Association. "It's a problem of logistics and I have the privilege to be able to navigate those logistics, but so many families don't. Either they don't understand that they need to until they're in an awful position, or they can't afford to do it so they just live in fear."

Massachusetts is the leading state for assisted reproduction in the country, but legal experts say the relationship between those parents and their children is not codified into law. That's partly due to recent advancements in reproductive technology in a state where family law dates back to the mid-1980s, according to Polly Crozier, the director of family advocacy at nonprofit GLBTQ Legal Advocates and Defenders, or GLAD.

"Families in the Commonwealth have changed so much," Crozier said. "We've got such a wonderful, wonderful diversity of families, and we need to make sure that every child can have the security of parentage from day one."

GLAD is one of several organizations pushing lawmakers to pass the Massachusetts Parentage Act, which would clarify parental relationships for unmarried couples of any sexual orientation as well as for children born through assisted reproduction or surrogacy.

"Right now, we have a system that really makes LGBTQ families and their children second-class citizens in the commonwealth," Crozier said. "This bill is just a very easy and straightforward way to say, 'We're going to put a stake in the ground that children should have the security of parentage -- no matter who they are.'"

The lack of clarity in the statute creates confusion in the court system, according to Crozier, who said she often has to show the judge an obscure case in order to establish parentage.

Crozier recalled being in court in Boston and the judge giving counsel to an anonymous sperm donor but not the non-biological parent who raised the child since birth.

The legal gaps become particularly concerning for families when it comes to the court system, emergencies, health care and travel plans, the experts said.

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A common fear that Jordan Budd hears as the executive director of COLAGE, a national organization for people with queer parents, is a scenario in which a non-gestational parent can't make a health-related decision on the child's behalf because the biological parent isn't present or is incapacitated in some way.

"There are potential horror scenarios, and some of them have been borne out," Budd said. "COLAGErs, as we often call them, are acutely aware of what the gaps in their legal rights are and the relationship that they have with their parents not being legally secure. There are pathways to achieve that level of security, but the reality is that they're not equal pathways, that LGBTQ parents have an undue burden in achieving that parental equality."