5. "The Bourne Legacy" - Matt Damon wisely steps aside and let's Jeremy Renner take over as the brainwashed CIA assassin Aaron Cross. His mission? Get his hands on a refill of the two pills he takes dail - one green, one blue - which make him an indestructible killing machine - that is, if director Tony Gilroy had bothered putting any action in the film. It's quite possibly the most boring action film ever and is tediously long to boot.
4. "Friends With Kids" - A "comedy" that has a bunch of whiney adults complaining about how their little ones make their lives miserable, but not as miserable as I was watching it. Writer, director and star Jennifer Westfeldt fails across the board as I can't recall laughing once - and this is with half of the cast of "Bridesmaids" involved.
3. "For A Good Time, Call" - Speaking of not laughing, "For A Good Time, Call" is a mega-annoying flick about a pair of BFFs who start up a phone sex business. Not only is it laughless, it's impossible not to feel embarrassed for everyone involved, including Seth Rogen, who makes a call to the sex line from a bathroom stall.
2. "Ooglieloves And The Big Balloon Adventure" - From the creators of those frisky TVs-in-their-tummies Teletubbies, the Oogieloves are a trio of Sid and Marty Croft rejects. Goobie, Toofie and Zoozie who set off on a neverending journey to track down a bunch of wayward balloons so the Oogieloves can give said balloons to their pet vacuum cleaner at his birthday party. I know, I know, you're saying this film was made for kids. Well let me tell you - kids were literally running around the theater, jumping on their seats, bored out of their minds. Thank Heavens there was WiFi as I was able to catch up on my work emails.
1. "Cosmopolis" - David Cronenberg's quasi-futuristic coma-inducing tale centers on Robert Pattinson playing some kind of hedge fund manager's manager cruising around Manhattan in a white stretch limo discussing foreign currencies all while getting a prostate exam. Pattinson delivers robotic line readings as rats pop up all over the place in an abomination of a film that's only redeeming value is for the future use in a Mystery Science Theater 3000 reunion. It's a stupendously awful movie.
